Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
