dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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