I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
