Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
