for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
