the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
