I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
True strength comes from lack of pants
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
