Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize