So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize