I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
