she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
