omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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