if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
