At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
