Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
