I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
