My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Randomize
