i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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