Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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