i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
