Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
