Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
