Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
