So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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