I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
