I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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