please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize