so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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