NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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