did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
