i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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