We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
