I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
His nipple licking is glorious
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
