Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize