I cannot find my penis.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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