i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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