...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
