So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
