You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
