just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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