I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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