I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
