This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Houston, we have a squirter
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
