my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize