I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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