my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
