i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
