just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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