This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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