She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
