I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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