oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
