if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
