I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
