and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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