Just mADE A PArabola og urine
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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