whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So many bounce houses so little time
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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