that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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