Will you blow on my dice?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The feeling are messing with the penis
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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