Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
