I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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