I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
