I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
