he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
