its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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