This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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