You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
there is puke in my bra ... again
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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