Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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