so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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