bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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