Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
