I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
